Don’t let the 2nd trimester fool you!

Today I’m 11 weeks, 4 days. I’m so close to 12 weeks that I can touch it! According to Babyzone, Baby Center, What to Expect, and all of the wonderful pregnancy powers at be, my morning sickness should be fading, I should be getting my energy back, and I should be happy and smiling while doing my yoga and cleaning the house, simultaneously. They LIE. L-I-E-S.

I’m starting spring semester at school tomorrow and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to manage. I’ve had morning sickness since 6 weeks and been on Zofran practical every day since. Up until a few days ago I was able to take my Zofran in the morning, stay hydrated to stave off the side effect headaches, have a little queasiness and an occasional gag throughout the day, but I was good. I could still get things accomplished. I was doing my first trimester workout tapes- yoga, cardio, and belly dancing! The clothes weren’t getting washed and Chris reminded me of that this morning, (sorry babe!! I’ll try harder.) but I was handling pregnancy well. True I was sleeping until 9am every morning and only eating oranges and baked potatoes, but hey- I was eating.

Nooooo. Not any more! Not since week 10.5. I am exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I’m taking my Zofran in the morning (and afternoon) and nausea continues throughout the day, along with gagging, and occasionally throwing up. I can’t keep myself hydrated enough to keep the Zofran headaches away which leads to more nausea which makes me want to take more Zofran, but that would only lead to more headaches. I’m STARVING and I can’t eat.  I smell food and I gag. Baked potatoes and oranges are the only things I can keep down. Before that’s only what I wanted. I could eat other food, as long as it didn’t contain meat, but now I can’t even stand the sight of other things. We were at Chris’s Grandma’s today cleaning out the house, preparing for the big move. He went to pick up pizza and as soon as he walked in the door with it I started tearing up from nausea. I was about to cry because I wanted to be as far away from that pizza as possible, yet I hadn’t been able to eat anything all day.

Pinterest is a joke. The stupid website makes me think that if I just make *insert delicious food here,* that I’ll be able to eat it. Nope! Chris made an awesome veggie lasagna last night for dinner and as soon as he set it on the table, I lost my ability to eat. I’d like to say I lost my appetite, but that wasn’t the case. :/

It’s not just food. I bend over and I gag. I can’t do the laundry without getting sick. I walk for more than 2 minutes and I gag. I went to the store yesterday and felt like death. I sit watching tv or on the computer and I gag.

This isn’t me crying about being pregnant or the fact that I’m sick. If that were the case I’d say something like “I hate being sick all the time! Stupid morning sickness! Why can’t I just feel better! I wish this baby would just be here already!!!.” You get the picture. Well of course I hate being sick and wish that I felt better, but if baby is healthy, I’ll take the sickness. I may not be enjoying it, but I’m accepting it.

So now at 0700 tomorrow morning when I leave my house to be at school by 0745, I will pray the whole way there. I will pray that I don’t throw up in my car. I will pray that I don’t throw up in class. I will pray that I can focus and concentrate and learn. I will pray I can make it through my morning classes and afternoon work and evening classes without a nap. I pray that I’ll be able to find something to eat that I can keep down. I pray that I don’t take my hormones and hunger and exhaustion out on poor Chris. And I pray that I can do it all over again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

Kristen and Chris have both told me that they feel I’ll have morning sickness throughout my pregnancy. I want to punch them both for saying such horrible things about me. I hope that isn’t the case, but I guess – if it is, they are the ones that have to deal with my wrath. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Bring it.

My main meal

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A New Year with new goals

I have decided I will not be making a new year resolution. Instead I decided that we (Jeremy and I) will be making goals for the year. I have been obsessed with Pinterest since before it became popular so I have a million ideas on how to show our goals and keep track of how we are doing all year.
I woke up about 4 hours late today (as usual) and started cleaning and getting our list started. I was asked if I will have “get pregnant” on my list. Nope. I have been saying for the past 7 years that I will get pregnant. I did last year and we all know how that turned out. I have nothing fertility or baby related on my list. I can’t control my eggs. I can’t control my uterus. I can’t control whatever plan is in place. We are going to continue with fertility treatments which has been the plan all along. I won’t say I will be sane and not obsess over this but I have to get a grip. Fertility treatments and infertility consumes people. It has consumed me. I have let the depression get me in such a horrible place that I have withdrawn from society and personal interactions as much as possible. Luckily I have realized this before it got so bad that I can’t get out of it.
So I have goals. I have projects to keep me occupied. I have plans that, if I get pregnant, can continue or be stopped regardless of the outcome. I have an unspoken goal to get pregnant (even though I just typed it) but I won’t put it on a list. I will just keep it in my thoughts and prayers and know that whatever happens happens.
Good luck with all of your new years plans, resolutions, and goals. One of my goals is to finish my goals. That’s going to be difficult enough for me to do. This year has a lot of great things in store for us. Watch out for crazy to come to town, I know it’s coming soon.
Happy New Year and lots of love to all.