Making peope uncomfortable since 1984

Candi and I are sitting at the flea market trying to raise some money for our company and the fertility grant we plan on giving out in the 1st quarter of 2013.  The day started trying to find out how many people we could make uncomfortable by just sitting here.  We have a table set up with all of our jewelry and our raffle ticket info and the prizes behind it.  We are pretty impressed with ourselves.  People started coming in and they take a quick glance at our sign and immediately look away.  There are also the teenagers that walk in, ignore us in general and are dumb.  No one, aside from Candi’s mom, her cousin, and the owner of the shop has given us more than a second look.  There are a few people that have lingered and looked but not much else.  I have enjoyed it because it’s been nice hanging out with Candi and we have been on pinterest all day.  What we have sold has been great because it is a fundraiser for my friend Trisha that is going through infertility issues as well.  I am actually super excited that we have been able to sell somethings for her.

Anyway, we have noticed that any site of our sign immediatly stirs a fear in people.  Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation.  BAM! Right in your face.  I would venture to say there were 25-30 people in and out of that place (this is in a VERY small town outside of another small town).  Of those 30 people, aside from Candi’s mom, 2 people physically stopped and investigated our table.  1 woman with a little girl who was looking at our letters for our jewelry.  The mom had a conversation with us, albeit short, but spoke with us about the company.  The 2nd person was a man who stood back and just looked.  I was happy 2 people looked and didn’t avert their glances after immediately seeing what we were there for.  There were people that walked into the building that I had seen around town.  I knew who they were and yet no one said anything.  This is why we started our company.  We need to raise awareness and help these 2 incredibly difficult topics become something more than shocking or uncomfortable.

Tomorrow I plan to push.  I plan to make more attempts at chatting folks up.  I played it safe today and kept my mouth shut because I didn’t know what to expect and we were eating pumpkin pie.  Tomorrow that pie will not interfere with my need to make people uncomfortable.  I have a lot of plans to continue making people uncomfortable since that seems to be the only way to make them pay attention.  People I work with now know that most of the time I will talk about my uterus or our son that we lost.  Sometimes I can see them being uncomfortable but it lasts a second when they realize they aren’t getting out of the conversation.  I have learned more about people this way in the past few months than I would have ever learned about them if I didn’t push the boundaries.

Push boundaries with me.  When someone tells you something that is rude or something that is meant to help, tell them why you feel it was rude or not the correct thing to say.  I don’t mean everything has to be politically correct….believe me…it doesn’t.  Candi and I told her cousin today that because she has 6 kids, she is a whore.  Very inappropriate but hey, it’s called humor.  I had no problem telling a woman the facts when she told me I wasn’t a real mother because I didn’t have my baby and that he wasn’t alive.  I have no problem reminding people who complain about their kid screaming in the middle of the night that I would give my life for a child to scream for me in the middle of the night.  I do refrain from telling them that if they say that one more time I will knock their teeth out.
So there you have it.  Our first foray into the public and we are doing exactly how I thought we would.  Just perfect.

UTERI Unite!
Yes, I googled that and uteri is the actual plural for uterus…don’t start with me Candi. 🙂

A slightly blurry photo of Kristen and Candi at the Burbank Indoor Flea Market

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Welcome to the Circus!

Hey guys! Candi here. Kristen didn’t tell you anything except that we had a crazy year and we are the proud owners of a new company. Well, short story: She had a first term miscarriage and 4 weeks later, so did I. We both lost sons at 9/10 weeks gestation. That was after her incredible struggle to get pregnant with fertility treatments and it was my second loss. This was May/June/July time frame we’re talking here. We should still both be pregnant, but alas, we are not. Through this blog we hope to give you a look into our crazy worlds and how we are coping with our losses and how we came to start Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation.

Honestly, I have no clue how it happened that we came to be President and CEO of a non-profit organization. All I know is one day I was filing articles of incorporation, and for tax IDs, and vendor’s licenses. It’s really all a blur. Now we find ourselves business owners and it’s a scary, scary thing. We both freak out a little on a daily basis when we stop to think about what we’re doing. We want to help fund fertility treatments for those that aren’t covered by insurance. We want to help everyone we possibly can. Our dreams for this company are so big; it’s frightening. We really have lost our minds.

As to how we are coping, Kristen definitely is the more blunt of the two of us, and we aren’t censoring ourselves for you. That being said, my go to answer for when I’m having an awful day and struggling with my losses, “My babies died.” Yes, I know it’s blunt, but it’s the truth. Our babies did die. We struggle with that every day. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can’t help but cry because my heart aches so badly. Anniversaries of loss dates and due dates are hard. Holidays are hard. Seeing pregnant women and babies is hard.

I think that’s enough sadness for now. Remember, we are trying to keep this light. Of course we want you to know that it isn’t all clouds and unicorns though. If you have dealt with infertility or pregnancy loss, you are not alone. Whatever it is your feeling is perfectly normal. Grief is different for each person and has no timeline. We are here to support you and hopefully make you feel like you are at least saner than we are.

I am saddened by the fact that Kristen shares my pain of loss, but I am truly blessed to have her support. We literally talk on the phone multiple times a day discussing business ideas, blessings, struggles, gossip, silly animal pictures, and the crazy antics of our fur-babies.

Thanks for finding us here. Thanks for supporting us. Thanks for not judging us. Welcome to the circus!