It’s been a while: Some exciting news and some boring stuff

It’s been a while since we’ve posted anything. It’s definitely not due to lack of things to say. Sometimes it’s just better to  leave things unsaid. I’ll fill you in on what’s been going on with me and Kristen can fill you in whenever she’s ready. We aren’t leaving out any juicy news or anything. Don’t worry.

So where are we now? By “we” I mean my happy little family. As far as I know, baby is doing well. Today is 18weeks 6 days. That means I am 1 week and 1 day out from the switch from miscarriage to stillbirth territory. Yes, I have been dreading it. God forbid I lose another baby, but if I do, I at least want to make it to 20 weeks. I understand it’s horribly morbid, but stillbirth seems to hold more weight than a miscarriage does, when it comes to public opinion. I still hate talking about my pregnancy to most people. I hate when people ask about it. I hate it all. I should be so excited right? I mean this is what I’ve wanted for so long, but the truth is, I don’t think I’ll be able to breath until I have a healthy, happy baby in my arms. I’m fearful. I’m scared. I’m terrified. Maybe when I start feeling some more movement I’ll feel a little better. Right now I’ve got a couple little bubbles every now and then, but nothing that I’m absolutely sure is baby. Our ultrasound is at the end of the month, so I’ll fill you in if we are having a little miss or a little mister soon! So far, pregnancy after loss is awful when it comes to fears. I just can’t seem to relax and enjoy it at all. I’m waiting for July with open arms.

In other news: Chris and I are getting married!! He asked me about a week and a half ago as we were starting to move into our new house. Yup. We moved. I think I told you that we were planning on it, but we finally got *mostly* moved in this past weekend. So we’re moved, unpacking, getting married, and having a baby! Talk about crazy busy. We haven’t discussed the wedding in too much detail since we’ve been mainly focused on the move, but it’ll probably be this summer before baby is born. It’ll just be a small ceremony, maybe at the courthouse, followed by a smallish reception. We just moved and we’re having a baby, therefore, we are poor. At least poor in the sense of not having a multi-thousand dollar wedding!

I’m taking Chris on his first ever plane ride at the end of the month, too! Engagement, babymoon, our 2 year anniversary, and ultrasound all in one month! Awesome! We’re going to Kansas City to visit my far away best friend who is 5 weeks more pregnant than I am. We almost always have a trip together (Liz and I) for our birthdays, since we are so close together (February 3 and March 3rd.) We’ve got a trip to The Melting Pot planned and lots of fun Kansas City stuff to enjoy. I’m looking forward to the BBQ! I haven’t been to KC since the weekend I met Chris 2 years ago.  I met him on a Friday, left on Saturday for a week in KC, and have only been a part from him maybe 2 weeks total since then. Ain’t love grand 🙂

Well, I think that’s all for now. I’ll try and keep you updated a little better next time.

Sam and me 2.5 weeks ago

Sam and me 2.5 weeks ago



Baby, things change. No baby, just change.

Let me start off with saying, I hate change. Always have, probably always will. I am also a very weird type of planner. When it comes to big vacations or a move, I have everything organized, filed, and ready to go. When we went to Japan a few years ago, I had a binder of maps, phrases, itineraries, airport and bus schedules/layouts, phone numbers, check lists, you name it and I had it. I need to know exactly what is going on, when, and how. I crave organization and order, but I’m so lackadaisical when it comes to my every day life. I am disorganized and unfocused.

So now the change comes in. This post isn’t fertility related (cd20,4dpo), but personal. (Like how I through that in for ya?) We might be moving. I’m excited, but freaking out just a bit. Before I got married and joined the military, I lived in the same house from the time I was 6 months old until I was 18. After that, I moved every few years or more often.

  1. June 2002 to my ex-husband’s house.
  2. April 2003 to my parents house before basic training.
  3. May 2003 to Lackland AFB, TX, for basic training.
  4. July 2003 to Medina Annex, Lackland AFB, TX for air crew school.
  5. August 2003 to Monterey, CA for language training.
  6. February 2005 to Fort Meade, MD for my permanent duty station.
  7. July 2006 a few blocks away to a new house because ours was being renovated.
  8. May 2009 to Columbia, MD where I lived with a friend after I separated from the Air Force.
  9. June 2009 to Wadsworth, OH when I moved back home.
  10. August 2009 when I moved from my dad’s to my mom’s, in Wadsworth, OH.
  11. April? 2011 to Girard, OH when I moved in with my boyfriend Chris ♥
  12. July 2011 to Clinton, OH where we have been since.

This is a lot of moving. This is a lot of change. Let me just tell you, when I was separating from the military, I fell off my rocker. I lost it. I was leaving behind my friends, my home, my doctors, my therapist, my job, my way of life. I didn’t have a place to live, a place to work, or health care. I. Lost. My. Mind… Luckily, it didn’t last long. I moved home and things were good.

Change. I hate it. I’m now possibly looking forward to yet another move which brings new neighbors, new neighborhoods, form changes, schedule changes, packing, unpacking, frustration, and excitement.

Kristen and I just started the business, Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation on October 1, 2012. I filed all of our paperwork with my current address. I will not only be moving cities, but counties. I’ll have to update paperwork with the new address I’ll have to re-file our vendor’s license with the new county.  That is c-o-u-n-t-y and not c-o-u-n-t-r-y, which is what I filled out the first time. *I put that we lived in USA county and our paperwork was returned to us, unapproved. I’m in college; I’m a little educated, but the poor people at the Secretary of State’s office probably thing I’m super dumb. Oh well, we are approved now anyway. What? I can’t help I was so excited about what we were doing that I failed to thoroughly read what I was filling out…

I’m so super unfocused lately if you haven’t noticed. I have a million and ten things to do, but I am doing none of them. I should probably get back to work and stop babbling. Just for fun, ask Kristen about her Doctor’s appointment the other day… Oh and her dog learned a new trick! I hate change. Bananas.