Lotus Be’s 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway

(Click on the above link to go to Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness foundation’s Facebook page.)

Today starts our 12 days of Christmas giveaway!!

Here’s how it will work. 1 like= 1 entry, 1 share = 1 entry. Entries will count for that day’s prize only. Winners will be drawn around 8PM EST daily. Prizes tie in with the actual 12 Days of Christmas lyrics, but have a twist. You won’t know the giveaway of the day until that morning. I’m a little behind today, but will be posting momentarily. Good luck and Merry Christmas and Happy holidays!!


Hcg bakeries?

When I stopped by Candi’s office on Wednesday to take her a Chalupa (because I’m a good friend like that), we were discussing how I am not sure if I can afford to do fertility treatments next month because finances are super tight right now.  The extent of what I would do is take my Letrozole and get an hcg shot and Jeremy and I would bbd as often as possible.  There are many factors of why I didn’t want to actively try in December…1st is that I was due in December and my heart feels like it’s about to explode.  Every pregnant woman I see, talk to, or hear about makes me sad.  So sad I can’t even talk to people I am super close to because I get so upset I start crying at the thought of them….like I am doing right now at my desk in my pjs.  2nd issue is that the way my cycle falls, I will have my test to find out if I would be pregnant or not just a couple of days before Christmas.  It ruined Thanksgiving for me so why not ruin Christmas right?  3rd issue is that it’s freaking expensive!  This would be the cheapest we could get away with having to pay but it’s still close to a couple hundred bucks after meds, copays, shots, and other drugs.  As we all know, coming up with extra money at the end of the year with the holidays is always difficult.

Whoa, way off topic….
Anyway, we discussed what the course of treatment would be and I told Candi that the main thing I would have to get was an hcg shot to make those fat juicy follicles release beautiful eggs to make my fat beautiful babies.  I explained to her that we would have to find some pregnant chicks (not hard right this second) that would pee in cups so we could make the hcg shots.  Apparently, it is not common knowledge that the hcg shots that we get have hcg that is extracted from pregnant women’s urine.  This is no joke.  I wiki’d it…hahaha.  So, with this new fact, Candi has chosen our new business venture which I think is foul and disgusting but if it worked….I might try it.

Hcg Bakery.  We take the hormone and bake it into brownies and cookies and cheesecake.  Then you become super fertile.  I haven’t done much research on the hcg holding up in an oven or in a mixing bowl but we may figure it out.  I did see that the FDA said the “hcg diets” were fraudulent so maybe they know something we don’t and in fact hcg goes GREAT with brownies.  We also have an idea for a baby farm-more on that later-but that would aid in our collection of hcg.  It’s a win win!  I did tell Candi that I will refuse any baked good she offers me from now on.  We know enough pregnant people, I wouldn’t put it past her to try to get some hcg from them for me…
This also has me considering a line of liquor.  The “hcg shots”…hahaha GENIUS!  Patent pending! 🙂  In all of 5 seconds I just created the advertisements and my target demographics.  I really should have gotten a college degree and done something with all of my genius ideas.

All right.  That’s enough for the day I think.  Consider yourself lucky that your best friend isn’t trying to feed you pregnant woman pee laced baked goods.  However, be jealous that my best friend would take a pregnant woman’s pee and lace baked goods with it so I can have a baby and not be such a psychopath.

Being thankful doesn’t mean I’m happy

But I am. Currently. So, before my body goes and confirms that I am in fact not pregnant this month and throws me into a temporary depression, I want to take a minute (or a few) to express how much I have to be grateful for. I will continue to be thankful, even through any sadness I may yet encounter. First know in life, I have been dealt a raw deal, many times. I was in an abusive marriage. I am clinically depressed. I struggled with self-injury. I have a laundry list of health issues. I was left by my fiancée months before our wedding, without warning. I have lost two babies and am waiting impatiently for my third pregnancy. I pray to God it ends with a healthy baby in my arms. You know what? Actually looking back at this hand in life that I feel I have unfortunately been dealt, it doesn’t seem so bad at all. I have a wealth of blessings that far out weigh the badness that has happened.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in God and that all things happen for good for those who believe in him. Not one of the issues I have listed above do I regret. Not one of those things can I not find the silver lining.

I was in an abusive marriage: because of this I joined the military. The military has given me adventure, friendship, education, health benefits, and life experience.

I am clinically depressed: I suffered a long time in silence before I was diagnosed and treated. This goes along with the self-injury issue. I have spent many hours in utter heartbreak and emotional struggles before I was prescribed meds and a therapist. I take away a sense of empathy. I feel that I have been given a better understanding of peoples emotions. I am willing to put my story out there in an attempt to let others know they are not alone. If my pain helps even one person,  I think it’s worth it.

My health issues: they range from hip problems to allergies to migraines to sleep issues to asthma etc. This one is a little harder to find the silver lining, but it could be worse.  I have all of my own parts and pieces. I am able to walk, see, touch, and take care of myself. I am able to experience life.

My fiancée left me: but I ended up with a man that couldn’t have been more perfect for me had I created him myself. Chris has been my rock. My source of laughter and joy. My cheerleader. My lover. My best friend.

I have lost two babies: without my love and eventually grief that came from Jordan and Mason, Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation would have never came about. Yes, it did also involve the loss of Kristen’s son at the same time. I feel if it had only been one of us- we wouldn’t have this same drive and passion for spreading the word on infertility and miscarriage and giving women hope and a place to share their stories.

There is a silver lining in all the bad I have experienced, but I said there is even more that I am grateful for. I have a full time job. I have a roof over my head. My bills are paid. I have a supportive and loving family and friends. I am co-owner of a wonderful company. I have gotten to travel. I have Chris’s two daughters that I love as if they were my own. I am alive. I am well. I have so many things that others would die to have. I have freedom of speech and religion. I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I do not want for anything, except a child. I may not have it all, but I have so much. I am blessed; I am thankful, and at this moment, before my body betrays me again, I am happy.

Baby, things change. No baby, just change.

Let me start off with saying, I hate change. Always have, probably always will. I am also a very weird type of planner. When it comes to big vacations or a move, I have everything organized, filed, and ready to go. When we went to Japan a few years ago, I had a binder of maps, phrases, itineraries, airport and bus schedules/layouts, phone numbers, check lists, you name it and I had it. I need to know exactly what is going on, when, and how. I crave organization and order, but I’m so lackadaisical when it comes to my every day life. I am disorganized and unfocused.

So now the change comes in. This post isn’t fertility related (cd20,4dpo), but personal. (Like how I through that in for ya?) We might be moving. I’m excited, but freaking out just a bit. Before I got married and joined the military, I lived in the same house from the time I was 6 months old until I was 18. After that, I moved every few years or more often.

  1. June 2002 to my ex-husband’s house.
  2. April 2003 to my parents house before basic training.
  3. May 2003 to Lackland AFB, TX, for basic training.
  4. July 2003 to Medina Annex, Lackland AFB, TX for air crew school.
  5. August 2003 to Monterey, CA for language training.
  6. February 2005 to Fort Meade, MD for my permanent duty station.
  7. July 2006 a few blocks away to a new house because ours was being renovated.
  8. May 2009 to Columbia, MD where I lived with a friend after I separated from the Air Force.
  9. June 2009 to Wadsworth, OH when I moved back home.
  10. August 2009 when I moved from my dad’s to my mom’s, in Wadsworth, OH.
  11. April? 2011 to Girard, OH when I moved in with my boyfriend Chris ♥
  12. July 2011 to Clinton, OH where we have been since.

This is a lot of moving. This is a lot of change. Let me just tell you, when I was separating from the military, I fell off my rocker. I lost it. I was leaving behind my friends, my home, my doctors, my therapist, my job, my way of life. I didn’t have a place to live, a place to work, or health care. I. Lost. My. Mind… Luckily, it didn’t last long. I moved home and things were good.

Change. I hate it. I’m now possibly looking forward to yet another move which brings new neighbors, new neighborhoods, form changes, schedule changes, packing, unpacking, frustration, and excitement.

Kristen and I just started the business, Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation on October 1, 2012. I filed all of our paperwork with my current address. I will not only be moving cities, but counties. I’ll have to update paperwork with the new address I’ll have to re-file our vendor’s license with the new county.  That is c-o-u-n-t-y and not c-o-u-n-t-r-y, which is what I filled out the first time. *I put that we lived in USA county and our paperwork was returned to us, unapproved. I’m in college; I’m a little educated, but the poor people at the Secretary of State’s office probably thing I’m super dumb. Oh well, we are approved now anyway. What? I can’t help I was so excited about what we were doing that I failed to thoroughly read what I was filling out…

I’m so super unfocused lately if you haven’t noticed. I have a million and ten things to do, but I am doing none of them. I should probably get back to work and stop babbling. Just for fun, ask Kristen about her Doctor’s appointment the other day… Oh and her dog learned a new trick! I hate change. Bananas.


Finally legal!

I will preface this by saying we did nothing illegal.

Today we received our letter from the Secretary of State of Ohio stating that Lotus Be Infertility and Miscarriage Awareness Foundation is a registered non-profit corporation!  This is very exciting for Candi and me.  We have had a few set backs with this from the word go.  Mind you, these are silly things we completely overlooked but they were easy fixes.  First, we were originally going to only name the company “Lotus Be” until I decided we needed a name that explained what we ACTUALLY are.  So, on the paperwork the name was corrected on one page but not the last page.  They sent it back and it was fixed.  We mailed it back in.  Instead of telling us both problems the first time, they sent it back saying there was a mistake in the Country field.  Apparently county and country are not 1 in the same…  So, 3rd time was a charm and we finally have been approved.  Each time it came back I had to laugh.  Nothing would feel right if there weren’t mistakes along the way.

So now, I can legally bug everyone to go to and tell them to buy things from our store to support our foundation and to also buy things from Trisha’s fundraiser (if you go to the website you will understand why there is another person involved….see what I did there?) and support her in her fertility journey.  I can also legally tell you to go there and buy raffle tickets for our amazing 50/50 raffle which, again, is explained in more detail on the website.

Other than that, not much to squawk about.  I mean, I have so much to say but I don’t want to annoy everyone with constant posting about my uterus or Candi’s ovulation kits.  I think I will save that for tomorrow.  Oh, I will tell you to check out some of the other pages on our blog.  I am hoping soon it’s not all just boring words and we can throw some pictures in here for your viewing pleasure.

As always, thanks for reading and following us.  Hopefully one of these days we will have some comment worthy posts hanging around.  I feel like I’m talking to myself…which I happen to do on a daily basis but that is definitely another post.