When I stopped by Candi’s office on Wednesday to take her a Chalupa (because I’m a good friend like that), we were discussing how I am not sure if I can afford to do fertility treatments next month because finances are super tight right now. The extent of what I would do is take my Letrozole and get an hcg shot and Jeremy and I would bbd as often as possible. There are many factors of why I didn’t want to actively try in December…1st is that I was due in December and my heart feels like it’s about to explode. Every pregnant woman I see, talk to, or hear about makes me sad. So sad I can’t even talk to people I am super close to because I get so upset I start crying at the thought of them….like I am doing right now at my desk in my pjs. 2nd issue is that the way my cycle falls, I will have my test to find out if I would be pregnant or not just a couple of days before Christmas. It ruined Thanksgiving for me so why not ruin Christmas right? 3rd issue is that it’s freaking expensive! This would be the cheapest we could get away with having to pay but it’s still close to a couple hundred bucks after meds, copays, shots, and other drugs. As we all know, coming up with extra money at the end of the year with the holidays is always difficult.
Whoa, way off topic….
Anyway, we discussed what the course of treatment would be and I told Candi that the main thing I would have to get was an hcg shot to make those fat juicy follicles release beautiful eggs to make my fat beautiful babies. I explained to her that we would have to find some pregnant chicks (not hard right this second) that would pee in cups so we could make the hcg shots. Apparently, it is not common knowledge that the hcg shots that we get have hcg that is extracted from pregnant women’s urine. This is no joke. I wiki’d it…hahaha. So, with this new fact, Candi has chosen our new business venture which I think is foul and disgusting but if it worked….I might try it.
Hcg Bakery. We take the hormone and bake it into brownies and cookies and cheesecake. Then you become super fertile. I haven’t done much research on the hcg holding up in an oven or in a mixing bowl but we may figure it out. I did see that the FDA said the “hcg diets” were fraudulent so maybe they know something we don’t and in fact hcg goes GREAT with brownies. We also have an idea for a baby farm-more on that later-but that would aid in our collection of hcg. It’s a win win! I did tell Candi that I will refuse any baked good she offers me from now on. We know enough pregnant people, I wouldn’t put it past her to try to get some hcg from them for me…
This also has me considering a line of liquor. The “hcg shots”…hahaha GENIUS! Patent pending! 🙂 In all of 5 seconds I just created the advertisements and my target demographics. I really should have gotten a college degree and done something with all of my genius ideas.
All right. That’s enough for the day I think. Consider yourself lucky that your best friend isn’t trying to feed you pregnant woman pee laced baked goods. However, be jealous that my best friend would take a pregnant woman’s pee and lace baked goods with it so I can have a baby and not be such a psychopath.