Ovulation and PCOS

Shockingly enough, it’s possible without drugs!
I started my weight loss journey March 8th. It is now April 30th. I am down 28 pounds which is amazing for me. If you recall from my previous post, we took a much-needed fertility break because I just felt the timing was very bad. So, I have been going to the doctor every 30 days. Last month I went the day before my dad passed to find out I wasn’t pregnant and to let the doctor know that I was not going to actively pursue fertility treatments for a few months. He agreed and added that we would be using no medications. This was to see if my body was going to cooperate and work on its own.
As luck would have it, I ovulated. On my own! Now the problem is that we aren’t exactly sure when that happened. I was waiting for “the feeling” of ovulation. I thought I got that a few days after I normally did when everything is medically induced. HOWEVER, I think that was incorrect. The week AFTER, I had all the normal symptoms of ovulation…including EWCM. I actually texted Candi while she was at a baseball game to make sure it was possible that I could have ovulated and had this disgusting mucus.

Here I sit now, 7 days late for my period. I went in on the 23rd to the fertility doctors office to get my blood and ultrasound. At that moment, I would have been 5 days past ovulation if I actually ovulated that late. The test came back negative. No biggie because I am still not sure I could handle that and still grieving and everything else. I do, however, have a small voice in the back of my mind (and Candi’s voice in my ear) saying it’s still possible. I go back to the clinic tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood test. The doctor told me I should be starting anytime but I can’t wait for it to happen naturally at this point. I have been a raging bitch for the last 5 days. Not to mention extremely emotional. I have no other symptoms…so I have no idea what is going on but I will find out tomorrow if I don’t start before then.

This is just a small glimmer of hope to you ladies out there with PCOS. I know not everyone has a weight problem and I don’t believe this is all because of my weight. I am so much healthier now because of the products I use. I have energy, I get off the couch and run or walk, I play with my dogs outside rather than let them out and call them back in. I truly believe that with the right nutrition and healthy living you can reverse the effects of PCOS. I am trying my damnedest. My doctor said he was stunned that I had lost so much weight and that I ovulated on my own. Maybe this will mean I don’t have to spend every last dime on treatments anymore.

Keep up the good thoughts everyone. I am thinking about you always! Baby dust to everyone that wants it!

Advertisements

Prepare to cry

Not so much a blog post today, just an update. If you haven’t noticed, Kristen and I have compiled a list of our favorite miscarriage and infertility songs on a tab called “Listen at your own risk.”  I have taken the liberty of adding all of the songs we’ve chosen into a YouTube playlist for your convenience. That way, you have access to them whenever you need a little inspiration or a really good cry. The link is on the “Listen at your own risk” page. Bring on the tears.

Insensitively: it’s how we roll

I am a very sensitive person. I do not have thick skin; I take things personally and I’m a crier. It’s common knowledge that we, as people, act differently depending on our situation. We may use different language and caution when dealing with superiors or strangers than if we were interacting with our close friends and family. I know Kristen and I told you that we’ll keep things uncensored, but there is a line we try not to cross. However, a can of worms was opened in a post a while back. You may at times find us insensitive and absurd; you may even lose respect for us. As business owners, our lives our out there for the public to see. We want to share our stories with you first hand, so that there is no misunderstanding in the future. We aren’t perfect. We’re human.

Kristen told you in a previous post, back when we were working at the flea market, that we called my cousin a whore. Please know, 1) we said it to her face, 2) we said it in jest, 3) we do not mean that she is literally a whore, 4) we do not discriminate: all pregnant women and women with children that we know (and love) are aware that we call them whores. We use it as a term of endearment. And maybe also out of jealousy.

Like previously mentioned, we act differently when faced with different situations and different people. After a loss, we grieve. Each person grieves differently. Kristen and I make ourselves feel better by saying since we aren’t teenagers or whores, we can’t stay pregnant. We constantly joke that if we were whores, maybe we’d have babies too… Well it was that month, after my “whore” cousin wished baby juju on us and Chris joked about giving me money after sex, that I did indeed get pregnant. I am now a whore, and proud of it! Maybe we were right after all!

***We know that teenagers and women who get pregnant unplanned also experience loss and complications. Pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant loss do not discriminate. It’s a difficult process for anyone involved, whether your pregnancy was planned or not. We are not being hateful, we are just telling you how we are coping, hoping you can see the difference between a joke and actual hate.***

It all started when I lost Mason. Chris was trying to make me feel better and he mentioned that no one ever said growing a human was easy. Through my tears, I responded with, “except for teenagers and whores.”

We live in a society that glamorizes teen pregnancy and almost encourages single parenthood by way of government assistance. I know some very good moms that got pregnant at teenagers and I also know some really bad ones. I actually have a cousin who will becoming a grandma in her early 30s because her stepson (16) is having a baby with his girlfriend (15) in March. Of course they had no problems with their pregnancy.

Chris and I plan to get married sometime in the future, but we would technically be better off financially, if we didn’t. I could apply for Medicaid and WIC, if not other government assistance programs. **Please, don’t think that I am putting down single parents or those who need government assistance. I am for government assistance when needed. I am going to school to be a social worker- I deal with government assistance. Chris is a bricklayer who builds houses in low-income neighborhoods. I am a disabled veteran. I receive government benefits. I know some pretty kick-ass single moms (and dads). Government assistance is awesome, when not used as a way of life.

I don’t remember how it happened, but shortly after the loss of Mason, the “whore” fad exploded. I made an e-card that I’ve received a lot of hate and mean comments over, but if you’re insulted, screw you- you’re probably a whore. 😉

babies

Tips for TTC part 2

Good morning folks.  I come to you again with some crazy ideas on making your baby dust work and dreams come true…or at least try.  I have been doing a lot of research on a few topics that I would like to share.  They may seem like common sense but I didn’t think about them or know that they would really change an outcome.  Now, as I have said before, I am no doctor so this is all coming from my research, word of mouth and I give it to you with hopes that you will find what works for you.

I have a few of them today.
First one is absolute crap but hilarious because people were stupid enough to try this. This was an answer to a yahoo question about weird and unique tips for trying to get pregnant.
“Well, when my husband and I were trying (we now have an 8 month old girl!) he used to pull out and then roar between my legs..supposedly to ‘scare the sperm’ right to the top! I can’t vouch for its scientific merits, but it worked for us!”
I would say I want video but that’s not true. I could imagine telling Jeremy “hey, after you finish you should yell at my vagina because your sperm need a good roar to scare them. Kind of like a pep talk you know?”
I can’t stop laughing. People are stupid.

Here’s another tip: don’t ask how to get pregnant on yahoo questions. People are stupid.

I read somewhere, of course I can’t find it now, that as you near ovulation your urine gets darker. I have absolutely no idea if this is true but I am keeping an eye on this. I am currently on CD8. I go in on the 3rd to check for follicles (I’m kind of hoping there are like 7 that way there are 7 possibilities to make a baby. I have never O’d more than 3 on this drug though…) I drink almost only water. Of course I am guzzling coffee as I type this. I will report back to you on the color of my pee. Right now it’s pretty much clear. I only know when I’m going to ovulate because my doctor tells me or gives me a shot so I will know almost exactly when it happens. I am completely awesome like that.

Third one for the day. Don’t douche. Yes. This is something I asked my doctor because I wanted to make sure I could say with certainty you should avoid. Douching can wipe out normal, GOOD bacteria. It can cause the ph balance to go all wacky and make it even harder to get pregnant. If you think you may have an infection or something, call your doctor because getting any infection cleared up will aid in getting a bun in the oven as well.

This last one for the day is something that many people argue about. Elevating your hips after the sexy time. Fact number one: if you lay with your legs up in the air after sex your hips/reproductive organs are not elevated. Only your legs are. If you put a pillow under your bum then your hips are slightly higher. Legs in the air=pointless. Hips (ACTUAL HIPS) elevated=possible help. It is also a good plan to lay around “after” for 10 minutes or so. You don’t have to. You don’t have to have your hips in the air. We have tried everything in this department. Sometimes I just get disgusted and get up right away. I will say that after an iui in my doctor’s office they have me lay on the flat table for 5-10 minutes. I assume if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for me.

I hope that gives you a few more things to “try” or more advise to ignore. Stay tuned for part 3. I’m thinking up some good ones 🙂

Hello Cracked Eggs…

Hi everyone.

Candi & Kristen asked me to guest post, so I figured “Hey, it’s Wednesday morning, why the heck not?” So, here goes…

A little bit about myself: *clears throat a la an AA meeting* Hi, my name is Trisha, I’m (almost) 35 years old and I am infertile. (Hi, Trisha!)

My story is pretty simple, though a bit different from Candi’s & Kristen’s – my husband, Michael, and I were married in October of 2002 and because of Mike’s reticence about having kids, we decided to wait a year before we started trying. During that year, we had to work out a few things between ourselves anyway. Anyway, so we waited a year, then started trying. Keep in mind that because we didn’t like condoms, we didn’t use protection at all and I wasn’t on the pill. Sure we’d agreed to wait a year but I figured if it happens, it happens. I was totally secure in my want of kids – Mike was just a little unsure, but I knew he would make an excellent father.

Anyway, we keep trying, keep trying, keep trying – nothing. We spent the time trying to get our finances in order (made the typical stupid mistakes with credit cards when we first got married), we work, go to school, graduate from college, get married, work, go to school, graduate from college (me this time), buy a house, etc. And nothing. Nothing happens. By this time we’re pretty sure there must be a problem so we finally hook up with a fertility specialist here in Akron.

Follow through with the typical testing, the blood draws (do NOT be afraid of needles if you decide to do this), etc. Then the doctor dropped the bomb – there is NOTHING wrong. Well, mostly. Mike’s boys are a little odd, but the “good ones” are plentiful – the doctor is stumped, we are too. So we do some IUI’s (inter-uterine inseminations) and by the 4th one we’re old hat at this – and yay, maybe this one worked?!

I was SO excited! I actually HAD a number – 5! Finally – I had the sore boobs, the bloating, etc.

But no. It didn’t stick. There’s a lot at the time that I could have blamed it on – almost 100% of the blame I felt at the time lay with the stress over the job I had at the time. By the time my boobs stopped hurting and the bloat went away, I’d gotten fired from that job. It’s safe to say that things are very different now.

This was 2 years ago….and time for a new adventure in the baby game.

Well, kids, this is where I stop for now (I gotta go to work…dang it). But more later, I promise.

OH, and as I go through and try to hash all of this out (with Cracked Eggs permission, of course) if anyone has any questions, let me know. As Kristen will tell you – I’m an open book. Just may take some time to get all the chapters out. 😉 Happy Wedsnesday!

Baby, I love you, but…

Captains Blog: CD42. 25DPO. hCG is continuing to rise. We are up almost to 2000 as of Friday’s blood draw. Let’s see. I had blood drawn Thanksgiving week, last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and again today. I’m about sick of this junk. Baby, I love you, but I hate having my arms poked at every day.

I’m super tired. I sleep all the time. Except for at night. What is it? 1:00 am? I wish you’d get on the same sleep schedule as me. Baby, I love you, but I don’t like pregnancy insomnia.

Nausea is slowly creeping up. Last time I was pregnant my hCG levels were a LOT higher than they are now and I had really bad nausea/vomiting. Mason “Bug” Sombati got his nickname because I threw up on myself after eating an apple in the car. I was driving. I was 6 weeks pregnant. I told people I had a “bug.” Baby, I love you, but I don’t love feeling sick.

Headaches. I’ve had headaches just about every day with this kid. With Mason, I had very few and I was loving that aspect of pregnancy. I normally have headaches and migraines a lot, so the break was awesome. Not this time though. Headaches daily and migraines weekly. I have to watch what I eat. Baby, I love you, but I don’t love this pain.

Brain fuzz. My dad’s nickname for me on a regular day is “Goldfish.” I have the worst memory every and 3 seconds about covers it. Imagine my pregnancy stupidity at this point… Baby, I love you, but something’s are important and I have to remember them.

Hunger strikes. Not the kind of hunger strike where I just don’t eat. The kind of hunger that wakes me up at 3am after I have fallen asleep only 2 hours prior and turns me into a vicious tiger on the hunt. My normal go to snacks are pudding cups and graham crackers. Hey- who wants to cook at in the middle of the night? Baby, I love you, but I am going to go poor keeping up with my your appetite.

No one seems to be worried about this pregnancy but me. I’m freaking out. Freak-Ing-Out. So much so that I made *ing* a new word. I had a mini/micro breakdown today after I left the doctors office and they said as long as my blood work comes back good they’ll schedule me for more when they do my ultrasound in a few weeks… A few weeks?! I lost 1 baby at 6 weeks and another at 9. Well Mase was a blighted ovum, but seriously- get that probe in my belly and tell me there is an actual child in there. Sesame seed, apple seed, poppy seed- I don’t care how small it is I just want to see something other than a blank blob. Baby, I love you, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

Baby, my love for you started long before you were conceived. I dreamt of you. I wished for you. I prayed for you. I loved you. You’re brother and sister are waiting in Heaven and it’s all fine and dandy if you can’t wait to meet them, but please wait until you’ve done lived a beautiful, long life. Baby, I love you, but I feel so helpless not being able to protect you and make sure you are born.

Pregnancy symptoms sometimes suck. Sometimes I’ll get emotional and sick and angry and hurt and worried and tired and be pricked with needles and pass out. Baby, I love you, but and there isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for you already, as my almost 6 week old little love.

Gallery

We are expecting: a nervous breakdown

This gallery contains 3 photos.

Anyway, the longer we are ttc, the more freaked out I get. Think about it. The first pregnancy you are happy and excited and minimally concerned for miscarriage. It won’t happen to you. Nope. You and your baby are invincible. … Continue reading

Hormones and the 2 week wait

My doctor told me once that my hormones were out of whack.  I knew this before I spent $30k on fertility treatments but I’m glad he noticed.  Since we lost the baby in June of this year, we were unable to “try” again to get pregnant until my hcg levels reached 0.  It took almost 3 months.  In that time span, not only did my body completely revolt but it decided to add new and unwanted hormonal effects.  We started trying again in late August and I only did ovulation induction pills.  Everything else we figured we’d try on our own.  Of course…no luck.  September rolled around and we tried again only this time my body told me to go screw myself and my follicle, or egg, turned into a massive cyst.  Luckily it disappeared and didn’t stop any further attempts at getting pregnant.  I went back in October and after taking the medications later in my cycle was shocked to find I had 3 follicles.  2 were good size and 1 was small.  In a panic I set out to gather funding to pay for the hcg trigger shot and 1 iui.  I thought “This is it!  2 at once and we are no longer paying this doctors mortgage!”  Unfortunately that too did not work.  That brings us to this month.

Let me backtrack a bit.  If you are going through ANY kind of efforts trying to conceive, you know your stress level is outrageous.  Anything added on top of that makes your chances of conceiving that much worse.  You know that every pinch, tug, twinge, pull, stabbing pain or ache makes you hopeful.  You fantasize for 2 weeks after “trying” about this miracle that could be growing inside you.  I hate that part.  I get my hopes up and my heartbroken every month without fail.

So, this month, we are trying again.  I had 1 follicle that was 25mm.  That’s a good size.  I had my appointment on Friday and OF COURSE my doctor was out-of-town.  Due to that, I had to wait to get results on blood work to see where I was sitting as far as ovulation goes.  I had gone about my day and in the middle of a chiropractor appointment I get a phone call from my RE’s office saying “Doc says you are ready and he wants you to have an hcg shot.  Can you be here now?”  I panic.  Of course I rush my chiropractor along and race back to my RE’s office to get stabbed with a syringe full of pregnancy hormone.  Normally, that medication does not bother me.  I get no side effects and I barely know I had the shot until I feel ovulation happen.  This time was a different story.  As I drove home I received a call about a job interview.  I was so taken aback by this call saying they needed to interview me right then that I may have freaked out.  I had 1 hour and 35 minutes to get ready and drive an hour for the interview.  When I got home I found that my suit pants were missing.  Immediately this is my poor husbands fault.  I flew into a rage and tore the house apart looking for my pants.  He finally braved the storm and came up to help me look and he immediately went to his dresser.  My exact words were “Do you think the effing laundry fairy magically put my damn pants into your dresser because she so freaking stupid she didn’t know whose ass those belong on?”  At that moment my life was over.  I was in hysterics.  The smart man I married said “I love you and I am going to work.”  I screamed a little more and then moved to my dresser where sure as hell I found my pants right where I had put them the week before.  I texted Jeremy and told him I was sorry and then Candi called.  I released my rage on her and then immediately felt like the biggest jerk in the world.  Now, this shot makes me crazy.  Just great.

So now I sit and wait.  I am in what is known as the dreaded “2 week wait.”  The only significance to this is that I have to wait for 2 weeks from the day I received the hcg shot to find out if I got pregnant.  We didn’t do any artificial insemination.  We only did the deed and hoped that everything swam into place.  I try to compare how I felt when I actually got pregnant to now and I can’t.  I don’t remember how I felt.  I honestly don’t remember feeling any different than I did on a normal day.  Right now, I don’t care.  That may sound wrong but I know that the stress of worrying about everything that is now out of my control does not help.  The test will either be negative or positive and then we go from there.  The only advice I can give to people is to try not to care.  That sounds even crazier but if you can find something to occupy your mind instead of sitting and wondering, you stand a better chance of having a better out come.  I know that I still care.  I worry.  I panic.  I am nervous.  I am petrified.  I also know that if this month is negative I can try again next month.  Not everyone has that knowledge.

All of this trying and waiting is horrible.  Candi and I are both waiting.  We are practically in sync with each other and can probably find out the same day.  Either there will be much rejoicing or a lot of crying and bitching about our bodies.  I also know that everyone has different experiences.  I am curious to hear about yours.  It’s something that is difficult to share about but one of our goals for Lotus Be is to get people talking.  So, to all of you trying to conceive right now, baby dust and good thoughts to you all.  To all of you still waiting for the ok to start trying again, even more baby dust and hugs and support.  We all got dealt a raw deal.  All of us will make amazing mommies one day and until that day comes we need to build a strong support system and stick together.  I have had people look at me like I am crazy when I say I want to make infertility and miscarriage something that is talked about as much as any other disease or problem people face.  Stand up with us and help us break the silence and shout “My reproductive organs are here, we’re jacked up, help us fix it!”

I would also like to ask if you will please excuse my insanity for the next few weeks.  My uterus and I are in deep conversation and I tend to get loud and obnoxious.  I yell at my uterus sometimes hoping that will help give it some motivation to stop pissing me off.  Again, I am hormonal and insane so please exuse me.

Baby dust and other crazy ideas

If you read Candi’s last post, you saw the term “baby dust.”  I felt the need to expand on baby dust and explain what it is.

First, no, it is in fact NOT dust made from babies of any kind.  To normal people, that seems like a horrible thing to even say or write but if it passed through my mind I can guarantee it has crossed someone elses mind.  Baby dust is a term of sort made up by the TTC (trying to conceive) community to show support and positive thoughts.  It’s like saying “I’m sending you good thoughts” or something to that effect.  I realized that many people don’t know this term when I said to my sister-in-law I had a great idea about making a tangible baby dust item for our website to sell for fundraising.  After I was so excited about the idea she told me she had no clue what I was talking about.  I became frustrated because I thought it was a common term because I hear it and use it often.  Obviously to a person that doesn’t troll forums about infertility and making babies and being pregnant and so forth, it sounds like the insanity has finally set in.  To me, the person saying I am crazy happens to be crazy.

So, the term “baby dust” is easy to understand.  Candi and I decided we needed tangible baby dust so we can send a physical representation of good thoughts to people…when they pay for it.  We have possibly the cutest bottles of “baby dust” ever to grace the earth.  I am personally excited about them because they were one of my good ideas.  Of course, Candi took the idea and made them happen and made them absolutely adorable which I think she does to make me crazy.  I try a craft and it sucks.  She tries and she’s freakin’ Martha Stewart.

                        

Since we now have “baby dust” on hand, I have constant thoughts of bathing in it.  I often consider dumping it in my bed and sleeping in it.  None of these options have been proven to work so, since I am not a trend starter, I will wait for someone else to let me know how it works for them.

I hope this helps people unfamiliar with this idea grasp that most women who are trying to get pregnant are nuts.  I am the first to admit I am a basket case.  When your life goes from normal day-to-day happenings to constant charting, endless doctors appointments, shots of chemicals you would never consider putting in your body…unless it was to have that smooshed up wrinkly baby, and so many other things I will explain later…you become insane.   I have said before I feel like a walking science experiment.  I just add baby dust to the mix to make myself feel like I have magic dust in my possession and when I tell my doctor my list of medications for the 400th time on Friday, I think I’ll add that just to confuse him.  It seems like the proper thing to do.