When prayers aren’t enough

This is my letter to Kristen:

I have spent days and weeks and months praying for you to get pregnant. And then amending my prayer for you to carry to term. And then again for your baby to be healthy.  I have prayed that if it were between the two of us, I wanted you to get pregnant first. It only seemed fair. In my joy of finding out that I was expecting, I admit I was a little saddened it was me and not you. I have prayed with all my heart and soul, but I can’t give you what you want. I know that everything happens in God’s time, but dangit- I can’t stand seeing you suffer. I get enough hope up for the both of us and I’m crushed when your heart is broken, yet again. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. I can’t protect you from pain. I can’t magically give you a baby.  I’m helpless here. I’m not asking for your reassurance, because this isn’t about me. It’s about you and the fact that I would do anything in my power for you, as any best friend would. Everything in my power and all of my prayers don’t seem to be enough, though. I love you, friend, and I want all of your dreams to come true.You have been a blessing in my life and I can’t seem to repay you for the dark times you’ve helped me through and the good times you’ve shared with me.  There was that one time you almost killed me, as I choked on a chicken sandwich from a joke that you told, but I forgive you for that. Life sucks and it isn’t fair. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. We have no patience, even though God keeps reminding us to slow down and wait. I will gladly shoulder as much of your burden and sorrow as possible. I will be your cheerleader and hope have-er. I will be your verbal punching bag, (sorry I bruise easily.) I will continue to stay by your side and pray my heart out. I will do whatever I can. I’m just sorry my prayers aren’t enough.

Love you dear friend.



3 comments on “When prayers aren’t enough

  1. Beautifully put Candi. I feel the same way. This wonderful magical person entered my life thru the worst job I have ever had, and makes every day there bearable (and amusing) I would cut off my left boob if it would help Kristen. She’s like the daughter I never had and my heart breaks for her (and Jeremy).

  2. You’re both so very luck to have each other for support! From your letter, I can tell your admiration and love for Kristen is very strong. It’s always a blessing to have supportive and understanding friends. Many more blessings to you!

  3. I never replied because I couldn’t read this. I couldn’t because I already knew what it said and I didn’t want to cry because I was being selfish. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. I do. You are amazing and such a wonderful friend…I have no idea what the hell I would do without you.
    Linda…You would have to cut off the right boob too because I really don’t want you to be lopsided. You are like another mother to me…and it’s really creepy…but I love you too. I have all of you amazing people in my life and I thank God everyday for all of you. I also thank God every day that you guys haven’t had me committed….yet.

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